LSS: I Can’t Make You Love Me

The song was in my playlist but I didn’t notice until this morning. I was in the MRT listening to my (Mickey) MP3 and suddenly I heard that song rendered by Aiza Seguerra. I loved Allison Iraheta’s version of “I Can’t Make You Love Me” last week. Both Aiza and Allison sang with much emotion. You can almost feel their heart bleed for loving but not being loved in return. Loving in a way-way street. I guess almost everybody can empathize with that feeling.

I’m really a sucker for sentimental songs. Blame it to the overly romantic Pinoy culture. Or is it just me? Whatever… Just sing along with me….

I Can’t Make You Love Me

Turn down the lights, turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don’t patronize - don’t patronize me

Chorus: cause I cant make you love me if you don’t
You cant make your heart feel something it wont
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours
I will lay down my heart and Ill feel the power
But you wont, no you wont
cause I cant make you love me, if you don’t

Ill close my eyes, then I wont see
The love you don’t feel when you’re holding me
Morning will come and Ill do whats right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight
Chorus: cause I cant make you love me if you don’t
You cant make your heart feel something it won’t
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours
I will lay down my heart and I’ll feel the power
But you wont, no you won’t
cause I cant make you love me, if you don’t

“>I Can\’t Make You Love Me

Somethin’ Different

Travelling = exploring. Aside from seing different spots and experiencing other cultures, travelling means doing and experiencing something different. Trying out new adventures. Afterall, you may not have the chance to visit the place again.

It is my second time in Singapore. And today is my 12th day here. Let me list down what I have done so far which I have not experience yet and probably will not or could not do back home.

- Jaywalking. Believe it or not, I have tried it along Orchard Road. Not just once but twice. We’ve seen locals crossing a no-pedestrian zone across Lucky Plaza and we ust followed them, scared that we might get fined. Luckily, we didn’t get arrested.

- Eating an earthquake… Its an 8-scoop ice cream with lots of toppings. Don’t worry, we shared the big serving.

- Ice Cream sandwich. We don’t have this in the Philippines. Its cut out from a big block and then placed between thin wafers. Costs $1.50 and it is good!

- Luge and Skyflyer at Sentosa - Luge gave me an adrenalin rush while the Skyflyer provided a good view of the Island.

- ALoe Vera Juice. Matt and I once had a dare on trying this drink. We were actually kinda hesitant to drink a green colored juice which we both think looks like phlegm hehehe… Nobody won. Just had the gust to try it here. The juice’s color is clear though.

- Hooters! - just very near the hotel. I just learned that we also have Hooters in the Phil but I’ve never been there.

- Photo Op with a celebrity - We saw Benjie Paras at Sentosa and had a photo with him.

- Chinese Peach - Hue Teng let me try that one. I think it is preserved. Red colored fruit, about the size of a small tomato. But the skin’s texture is like felt paper. Tastes good!

That’s about it for now. Need to rest coz I still have a long day ahead.

Ciao!

Back in SG

I’m back in Singapore after two weeks. How I wish that this is a pleasure trip but unfortunately it’s not. I’m here for another round of training. Anyway, I plan to make the most of the evenings by squeezing in some shopping. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna write about the training part coz it will bore you to death.

I am still undecided what to buy this time. All I know is that I need to buy perfumes for Matt, Eric and Kuya Cox and Ipanema slippers for Arlene. They actually asked me to buy those items since those are a lot, lot cheaper in SG. Tatay actually liked the Giordano shirt that I gave him (which is always on bargain here) so I need to buy some pieces. Jez wishes that I can buy for him an H&M shirt, which I believe is still not available here. I need to buy some more avent items for Maddie. Avent is more than 50% cheaper here. And I wish I could buy a pair of Charles and Keith this time.

I guess that’s already a long list. I just hope that this will not make me a Rebecca Bloomwood-reincanate.

Training: Day 1

Official business started today.

Joseph of TH arrived at the hotel a little past 9am, while we were finishing our breakfast. He drove us to TH’s HQ where we were greeted by GC Tan who was waiting at the lobby. We met most of the guys when we arrived. They were all nice and gave us a warm welcome. Desmond gave a briefing about the business

Soon after the first lecture, we had a sumptuous lunch at Crystal Jade in Parkway. It was a special lunch because today is the last day of the 2-week long new year celebration. Dash told us that Crystal Jade is one of Singapore’s most popular resto. Food was great and so was the tradition. We tossed veggies, sesame seed, chips and some other items in a big plate, in accordance to the Chinese New Year tradition. They said the higher the toss, the better meaning more blessings for the new year. Lunch was great! It was very difficult to concentrate on the discussion when we came back in the afternoon. Full is an understatement. Wished we could go back to the hotel to snooze.

Day 1 was fine. We have many questions floating in our minds and I cant wait to actually know more. I eagerly wait for the hands on which is scheduled on Days 2-4.

Dinner was with TH guys in Hard Rock Cafe. We had fajitas and chicken wings and a whole lot more. Monday was acoustic night in HRC Singapore. We enjoyed Ngek and Clement as well as the band after them. Problem is we cant really understand the lyrics of the songs. We decided to call it a night at 10pm. After having our photos taken in front of HRC, we walked back to Orchard Hotel.

TIme to rest… Day 2 here I come!

Sleepless in Singapore

Training will start in approximately 7 hours. It is almost 2am and I am having difficulty sleeping. I am not actually anxious about the training. Maybe, I can’t sleep because the hotel room is quiet and I’m alone in my bed. Well, I have Miss Rowie with me in the room. I am just probably missing Maddie going circles while sleeping. Or am I anticipating that somebody will actualy kick me at 3am and eventually cry at 4pm?

It is an exhausting day. We waited for almost 5 hours in the airport. I was actually there at quarter past eleven. We were able to check in at 12noon. Our 1445H flight was delayed to 1610H. No wonder PAL was tagged as Plane Always Late. The plane landed Singapore at 1930H. We checked-in at Hotel Orchard and went out after a few minutes to have a late dinner. Almost all of the shops were already closed. Afterall it was already past 10pm. We ended up eating Burger Kind coz its the quickest way to eat. Everybody wanted to retire early. Unfortunately I am still up and blogging at 2am.

Today is one heck of a long day. I need to sleep. I must sleep. Oh how I wish I could!

Good night for now. Or shoud I say good morning? =)

Zzzzzzz….

Two Years

Two years ago, I started working with Ayala Systems. I was like a new grad, a neophyte in the IT field. It is very far from the field I just to work with, and goes beyond the degree I obtained in college. Armed with nothing but confidence and a bundle of prayers, I started dealing with the Japanese, Indians and some Chinese.

It was not an easy task learning the IT jargons especially when you have to perfectly understand the colloquial English of our counterparts. Imagine, how would you react when you read “please intimate me in your email”?!! Whaaaat? Intimate who? Well, the Indians do not mean what I guess is running through your mind now. They simply mean “cc” or keep them in the email loop. We are all aware that FYI is “for your information” but what the heck does “PFA” means? Indians use that acronym often. It took sometime before we eventually knew that PFA means “please find attached”. Btw, we now call each other the Jap way, so I am Janelle-san to my colleagues.

Time flies so fast… real fast. Two years after that nervous first day of work, I am now a proud Mommy to Maddie. I have also moved from the Delivery Team to the Project Management Team of our Japan engagement. I have experienced working 36 hours straight and have known and worked with so many great minds who talk the “if-else” way. And I am somehow to be blamed for firing some of our client’s employees due to bad performance. Thanks to our brilliant application, our client was able to monitor employee performance almost real-time.

I have learned a lot in two years. Probably the last two years have been the most productive years of my life, learning-wise and character-wise.

Cheers to more years to come!!!

If time permits…

I’d like to list down some things and activities that I miss. As if listing those down would somehow bring back happy memories and lighten up my damp spirit. The longer my list becomes, the more people I miss. I can only let out a deep sigh…

I really miss….

1. Laughing my lungs out while reminiscing with friends happy high school memories. That includes speech bloopers of the most popular horse in school.
2. DO-SM trips
3. Theater play rehearsals. Putting on eyeliners to actors is really fun, you’ll see the toughest guys cry by simply “coloring” their eyes =)
4. Swimming practice, at least 20 laps of swimming (I can only wish computer works and thinking burn as much calorie as swimming)
5. Walking home from school while eating buttered corn in a cob
6. Thursday night outs with UPS brods and sisses
7. Stacking the tallest pile of salad at Wendy’s, with lessons in ES13 and ES11a in mind
8. Spending a whole afternoon in the library (that includes some nap and chika time)
9. Hearing mass at St. Therese
10. Lying on the grass while star gazing
11. Gossip time with Ren. Beware, we can come up with the nastiest description about people we don’t really like.
12. Tasting more than 50 gallons of ice cream (as part of my previous QC job). Tasting will eventually sums up to eating more than tall glass full if entire batch of samples is collected.
13. Creating my own ice cream flavor. I like vanilla with lots of mini marshmallows.
14. Watching a movie in wide screen. Last movie I saw in a movie house was Chronicles of Narnia (Prince Caspian). I can’t wait to watch 007 in wide screen next week.
15. Staring at the sunset while on board a shuttle bus. A good way to de-stress after work.
16. Stock room chat time with JG friends… We’re so glad that walls can’t talk.
17. Some minutes sleep at the clinic, sometimes pretending to be so ill just to take a nap
18. Malling without the rush. Inspecting all the merchandise but not really buying. Just keeping in mind which to buy when sale season comes.
19. No phone calls, no text messages, no emails… Being incommunicado from the busy world.
20. Spending a whole week (or month) with Maddie, like the time after I gave birth. Just me and Maddie (kissing, hugging and playing with her) plus weekends with Daddy Matt.
21. Pizza nights with girl friends
22. Climbing up the monkey ladder
23. Spending an hour on top of the reactor, marveling at the spectacular view of the Batangas Bay
24. A weekend get-away in Tagaytay
25. Walking barefoot on the pristine sands of Boracay (or Puerto Galera, if the budget is tight)
26. Admiring the wonders of the sea while snorkeling
27. Tricycle rides with Maddie (my daughter loves the rush of air on her face and enjoys the sound of the motor). She enjoys the trike ride more than a car ride.
28. Playing banduria with Ayein and Len. Not many people know that I can actually play an instrument. But I do, rather, I did…
29. Quiet time with Matt. Assessing our current status and planning for the future. We used to do a lot of those when we weren’t that busy with work.

I will stop here. The list might be too long that it could extend up to the next page. I don’t want to bore your either. I would just like to blurt it out. I hope time will permit me to do a few of those one of these days.

She was one of us

I had to go to Batangas last Sunday to say goodbye to a friend. She died of severe head injuries due to a tragic vehicular accident which claimed the life of another. I was able to see her fighting for her life in the hospital. Clinging to it for she knew it was still too early to give up. All throughout the funeral, there was a silent voice in my head that keeps on mumbling “she was one of us.”

She was one of us… at the prime of her life. She was supposed to have years to spend laughing, chatting, dancing, singing and loving.

She had a husband who loves her dearly. Though clashes with him transpired, he was still there to be with her at the end of a day.

She had a daughter who adores her “Mommy.” Though her little daughter could not understand by now why her Mommy has sleep forever, she definitely would ask about her as she grows up. She would like to know how much she was loved by her.

She was a daughter to hardworking parents who regretted not having enough time to spend with their first-born.

She was an assertive career woman who wanted to get up the corporate ladder.

She was a dear friend to a great number of people who all shed some tears knowing that they cannot again hear her contagious laughter.

She was in every way one of us. Juggling the difficult roles of being a wife, a mother, a daughter, an “ate”, a friend, a boss and a colleague.

I believe there are not enough words to console her loved ones. Even the kindest words will never be enough to relieve the grieving family. I guess the best way to end this blog is to share what could have been her wish. This poem was part of our Theater Arts poem reading exercise back in high school.

Remember by Christina Georgina Rossetti

Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day.
You tell me of our future that you plann’d:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

I miss being me

It just struck me somehow that I miss being a Chemical Engineer. Since I am now in IT doing odd assignments that I never thought that I would (some I could) do… when I was in college and struggling to pass those nerve wrecking and brain draining Chemical Engineering, Chemistry and Engineering Science courses… and when I was working in a petrochemical company surrounded by top-notch Engineers.

Here are some things that I did and miss doing while

1. I miss carrying my ChE bible – Perry’s Chemical Engineering Handbook. I miss coloring its pages with a light green highlighter and scribbling important formula on side pages. Having that handbook at hand makes me feel like I’m a hard core Engineer.
2. I miss studying fluid flow and gas laws.
3. I miss over nights in a laboratory doing experiments
4. I miss wearing steel-toed shoes. Though those shoes gave me calluses and corns, my feet were well protected from any falling hazard. Those I would choose to wear when riding the MRT so as to protect my feet from stomping especially during rush hours. However, there aren’t heeled steel-toed shoes available.
5. I miss having to go up a reactor or a huge bin. It feels great to be up there staring at the bay and staring at ships and boats. It makes climbing up several monkey ladders worth it.
6. I miss discussions about polymers, purging and lab testing.
7. I miss seeing people wearing hard hats, though I hate wearing a hard hat since it ruins my hair.
8. I miss stories of people who once worked for a petrochemical or gas plant in the Middle East.
9. I miss the opportunity of visiting huge tankers (cargo vessels carrying olefins). There you’ll see how clean a ship is.
10. I miss being stubborn to a gas contractor demanding for nitrogen.
11. I miss the smell of olefins. It doesn’t smell good and is bad for our health but it is somehow ordinary to smell it in a petrochemical plant.
12. I miss roaming around the plant checking steam traps and valves. A few hours walking around the plant would make me smell like a skunk but I tell you, it burns a lot of unwanted fats.

There are a lot more things that I miss… people, activities and things that defined me as Chemical Engineer. Things are a lot different now. I already threw away my jackets, hard hat and steel toed shoes in exchange for high heels and corporate attire. I can now apply make-up without being afraid that it will melt down if I have to go to the plant. I have fewer bad hair days. I can smell perfume instead of sweat. But I still miss what I used to be and what I sometimes think I should (again) be… I just miss being the real me.

Happiness… Fears… Prayers…

As a first-time mom, I wanted to write about happy milestones of my baby’s developments. I want to share how her simple yawn can make me smile, how her breath smells like milk and how she loves to sleep on her bed sent her Aunt Venly. But things are a little bit different for my case, I guess much, much more different than many of you would expect. Three weeks ago, Madeleine was diagnosed with VSD. It is a congenital defect of the heart. After the ECG and 2D echo, it was determined that there is still a 6mm hole in baby’s heart.

It started as a heart murmur when she was just 2 days old. The murmur disappeared on the following day. The doctors thought it was a simple murmur which is usually present in children up to 7 years old (sometimes older). Five weeks later, Madeleine had cough and colds. This prompted us to bring her to the nearest pediatrician (we are currently staying in Bulacan, with my parents), afterall it was just common colds. My Mama and I did not expect when the doctor said that she heard murmurs from my baby’s heart. She advised me to bring my baby to a pediatric cardiologist to check the extent of hear defect (if present) considering that I am an APAS patient.

We were not able to bring Madeleine to Manila that soon. We waited until the cough and colds were gone. On August 12, we brought Madeleine to Dr. Fernandez, the pediatrician who first heard the murmur. She then referred us to Dr. Ortiz, a pediatric cardiologist and the current head of the Department of Pediatrics of the Philippine General Hospital. Later that afternoon, we were at the Philippine Children’s Medical Center where the confirmatory exams were done.

I did not imagine my 7-week old daughter to be lying on a bed with probes attached to her wrists, feet and chest. I am almost 30 years old and I have not experienced an ECG nor a 2-D echo exam, and yet I was holding my 7 week old Madeleine with probes and all while the doctor was looking at her heart on the monitor. Nobody could ever explain how I feel. While my heart was breaking by the second, my baby was to amazed looking around the new environment. Not even her smiles and coos can lift my heart. I tried so hard to hold back my tears but somehow some were able to escape my eyes. I could barely understand what Dr. Ortiz said. All I know is my baby has a hole on her heart and she was given 60% chance of spontaneous closure, which he said is a high probability. How about the 40%? Worst case scenario is an open-heart surgery to close the hole. This, he said, is not yet an option as of the moment since by baby is not showing any signs of heart defect. Madeleine has to be observed for a couple of months. Dr. Ortiz said that there is no medication to close the hole but the fastest way to heal it is thru prayers. That left me speechless.

While most moms worry about the pain of immunizations to their babies, I am worried about a possible open heart surgery for my Madeleine. But still, I want to look at my baby’s condition in a very optimistic manner. I would like to look at the glass as half-full, not half-empty. Though my happiness as first-time mom is enveloped by fears, I still would like to see things differently. I should be and I am definitely thankful that the heart defect was known early so we can take necessary precautions. We are fortunate that we have now medical breakthroughs where there is 95% success rate for heart surgeries. My baby is lucky to have a pediatric cardiologist who was able to successfully operate on a 600-gram baby. And my baby is blessed to have a loving family and relatives who pray for her so that her heart would spontaneously heal.

I am blogging about my baby’s condition not because I want pity for her. As her doctor said, she should be treated as a normal child who can cry and play. Well, she sure looks and acts normal. She coos and smiles like any 2-month old baby. She even kicks her legs high, enough for us to blurt tons of laughter. My Madeleine is normal, except for the hole on her heart. I want her condition known so more friends, relatives and even people not know to us to include her in their prayers. I firmly believe that God is merciful to kids. Prayers can move mountains and prayers can definitely heal my baby’s heart. There is a force mightier than all of us who can make all things possible.

Madeleine is a fighter. She has been fighting for her dear life since she was in my womb considering how complicated my pregnancy was. I know this is just one of the many more challenges that she will face and surpass in the future. As a very worried mom, I am asking you to please include her in your prayers.